Walking in love is not always easy to do, even as a Christian, at least not for me. There are a lot of hurt people out there and as they say, hurt people hurt people. When dealing with an offense caused by someone unlovely it is important to remember that. Atleast that is what i try to remember so i don’t get angry or say something that i can’t take back. I know at the time of the offense it is not easy to think like that, but when we spend time in the word daily, and spend time with our Father, Its easier to deal with our emotions, as well as the emotions of others. Nehemiah 8:10

Especially in the days we are living in now, and the evil things that are happening in the world, we can see that there are alot of people that don’t know God, or are not aware of the peace and joy that they can have if they had a relationship with him. I feel like everyday in the news, if I look at the news, they glamorize the bad and ugly things that people do to each other, or the catastrophic events that killed hundreds. When i used to look at the news it just put me in such a bad place that I had to stop looking at it. I don’t want to hear about the mom who left for a Vegas girl trip and left her toddler at home for 2 or 3 days, or the murder suicide of a family, those are so depressing and hurt my heart. I know bad things happen because we live in an imperfect world, but just as we can speak live or death with our tongue, we also have to protect our eye gates and ear gates. Its what we let in that can make the difference.

Its just like offense, if we choose to take it, then we let it in. Lets be honest, there are people out there who are hurt and lost and are just in dark places and there goal is to make you miserable, because misery loves company. I recently was at Costco and that place gets so crowded at times which i understand because we are all trying to save money, and there was this lady who was so inpatient I felt like she was trying to bang my husband as he was crossing the street, and i wanted to tell her something, but the holy spirit told me not to. So i listened to the holy spirit, and although it still bothered me, I prayed and asked for help because I felt offended by that.

I think driving like that is unnecessary, but I also had to remember I don’t know what that girl was going through in her life. It could be anything, she could be dealing with a death in her family, or a sick child, etc. We don’t always know what someone is going through just by looking at them so instead of taking offense we have to pray for them and pray that God opens their eyes so they can see the error of their ways.

Praying for someone who doesn’t deserve it, Yah i know what you may be thinking, why would i do that. Yes, I know what you mean, I mean why would you pray for someone who doesn’t deserve it. What helps me to pray for the unlovely or the people who mistreat me is because if it wasn’t for the people who were praying for me, I would not be where I am today and healed from a lot of the trauma that happened in my past. I am not fully healed yet, but I am healing day to day and that is all that matters. Luke 6:26-28

Now there are times in the past where I let the rudeness of someone affect me to the point where it ruined my whole day and made me grouchy. But then I realized that is exactly what the devil wants, for us to be mad, or angry and then mistreat people. The devil does not want us to have inner peace, or outer peace, and I will not give the devil an inch because if the door is opened even a crack, he can come in, and he coes in through the offense or unforgiveness that we hold onto. Sometimes we don’t even know we are still holding onto that, until the holy spirit speaks.

As I write this God is reminding me of some unforgiveness and offense I am holding onto. I am still angry at my mothers father and his family the way they treated my mother. I don’t know the whole story, but I know that her father was never there for her, or us for that matter. I learned in my 20s that the person my mom called dad was not her real father.

So my grandma got pregnant at 18 years old, and because she didn’t want her dad to find out, she didn’t go to any doctors for any wellness checkups, and she also gave birth by herself at home, from my understanding. How she did that i don’t know cause when i gave birth it hurts ALOT. I don’t know if she had help or anything from anyone but Im thinking she had to have cause someone would have had to cut the cord and clean my mom up, but i don’t really know. After she gave birth she took my mom to her fathers house in a shoe box, and told him look here is your baby and left my mom with their family. Somehow my grandmas father found out and made my grandma go back and get her baby.

From what I know my moms father didn’t acknowledge her as his daughter and was in another relationship with another women at the time of my mothers birth. Due to that my mom felt abandoned and rejected by her father, and to add to that he never paid a lick of child support, and never acknowledged her, or her children ( thats me and my sisters) as his family. He had alot of kids with the women he was with at the time of my moms birth and I don’t really know the whole story because alot of the people who would know past away before I could ask and find out more, and my mom said she tried to get information but no one would tell her much, and since my moms mom died when my mom was young, she really didn’t have anyone who she could ask.

Seeing as how my moms father had more kids, and because we lived in a small town, I would see my cousins in school. They never acknowledged me or treated me kind. As I write this I can feel my flesh rising in anger, but God is telling me its time, so its time. Its time to let go of the hurt and the anger and move on. As we know the devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour, I cant let that be me now can I.

Lord please help me to forgive my mothers father and his family for abandoning my mom. Lord please forgive me for holding onto unforgiveness, and please help me to heal my heart. I know that in you I am whole and I don’t need to be liked by everyone. I am the righteousness of God in Christ and I know that you have an amazing plan for me and my family. Please help me to walk in forgiveness and love everyday and help me pray for those who don’t know any better and Lord please bring them revelation. I pray that you make the way that they enter your kingdom. In your mighty name, AMEN.

Wow I feel better already. Thank you Lord, and Thank you for opening my eyes and helping me. I know i have to continually walk it out, and as long as I stay in the word and keep myself connected to the Father, he will always be there for me, guiding me and healing me. And he will do the same for you! For his word is a light to my feet and a lamp to my path. Thank you Lord for all that you are doing in and through me. Love you all my friends.